Calpe – Sto gorących słów gdy na dworze mróz

Calpe – Sto gorących słów gdy na dworze mróz

To będzie najdziwniejszy tekst, jaki przeczytasz o wakacjach w Hiszpanii. Ani słowa o tym, co warto zobaczyć, przeżyć, kupić, sfotografować, zjeść czy dotknąć. Ani zdania o Vueltach, kolarzach, Pirenejach, Realu, Barcelonie, Gaudim, flamenco, rzucaniu się pomidorami i o separatystycznych zapędach regionów też nie. Zero wspomnień o słońcu (dalej jest go tu sporo) i poparzonych plecach od opalania (spalony mam tylko nos). To będą moje, podyktowane rozpaczą, zdziwieniem i cierpieniem przemyślenia na temat… BRAKU OGRZEWANIA w czasie chłodnego frontu (chyba znad Rosji, na przecież nie znad Afryki!)

Jakiś czas temu, prawie rok wstecz, moja siostra bliźniaczka powiedziała pewne zdanie, które uznałam za poniekąd komplement. Po obejrzeniu moich i Freddiego występów w TVN (czy jest jeszcze ktoś kto tego nie widział? Dalej jest dostępne na player.pl… służę linkiem, choć moje najlepsze wypowiedzi niestety nie zostały zmontowane i zmuszono mnie do powiedzenia rzeczy, których nigdy moje usta by nie wygenerowały ani nawet myśl nie stworzyła…). Wracając do sedna sprawy, Magda uznała, że mam niespotykany talent do mówienia kompletnie o niczym, za to w zajmujący sposób, przekonująco i niezwykle długo. Dzięki czemu mogłabym być dobrym politykiem (politologiem już chyba jestem i mam na to nawet dyplom państwowej uczelni z tradycjami), a gdybym i ją zaangażowała, w ramach tak wszystkim dobrze znanego, akceptowanego i lubianego nepotyzmu, w polityczną grę, to byłybyśmy, jak to ona ujęła „pierwszymi w świecie bliźniaczkami, które pogoniły innych bliźniaków”. Także cieszę się, że czytasz właśnie jeden z tych wywodów o niczym. Orzeszkowa i wszystkie wioski nad Niemnem na pewno zazdroszczą mi rozwiązłości wypowiedzi. Ale do brzegu (tematu, nie brzegu Niemna).

Kiedy szukasz mieszkania na 11 tygodni ciągiem, to wybór zdaje się być nieco zawężony do ofert zaledwie kilku. I robi się jeszcze węższy jak zerkniesz na saldo swoich wszystkich rachunków bankowych (pomnóż koszt hotelu swoich tygodniowych wakacji razy 11 i wyjdzie właśnie ta suma, której przecież nie chcesz dodatkowo potrajać p.s. droższe mieszkania są zbudowane tak samo – przyp.red.). Niemniej jednak mi udało się wyszukać bardzo ładne (w brzydkim, w moim mniemaniu oczywiście, nie zamieszkałabym na 100%, a w takim co ma pomarańczowe ściany to i na dwieście NIE, wszyscy fotografowie nienawidzą pomarańczowych ścian!). Mieszkanie jest w kilkunasto (chyba 16) piętrowym budynku. Ma basen, a nawet tak jakby dwa, fajne leżaki, wychodzi się z niego prosto na promenadę (albo wyjeżdża rowerem prosto w ludzi, którzy krzyczą „bla bla bla PROHIBIDO!”, pomimo że poruszam się 3km na godzinę, by właśnie nikogo nie rozwścieczać, bo tu są same zakazy i to do wszystkiego, a ostatnio nawet zakazano nam oparcia roweru o zewnętrzną stronę budynku bardzo znanego baru „Tango”). Z mojego ósmego piętra widać morze jak na wyciągnięcie ręki. W środku jest miło, jasno, przytulnie, słonecznie i nawet pościel ma znośny wzorek i kafelki w łazience również (bo są gładkie…w przeciwieństwie do fantazji wielu polskich kwater). I… ta estetyka… TO MNIE ZMYLIŁO. Nie wiem co akurat działo się z moją głową, że śnieżynkę symbolizującą klimatyzację, uznałam za ogrzewanie (już wcześniej wiedziałam co to znaczy „marznąć w Hiszpanii”). Tu coś takiego jak ogrzewanie centralne jeszcze nie dotarło. Elektryczne też jedzie drogą okrężną jak euro do Polski, a na zewnątrz w dzień jest 8 stopni, więc w nocy temperatura spada na przykład do 3. Od kilku dni gorączkowo (na szczęście na razie to tylko gorączka psychiczna), sprawdzam prognozę pogody i wiem, że przyjdzie mi ją sprawdzać jeszcze kilka dni. Tak, wiem, że w Polsce jest -10 czy minus sto i śnieg, a w Suwałkach na pewno zamarzają ziemniaki rzucone do ogniska, ale… tam dalej ludzie są na to przygotowani!

Jakieś 2 tygodnie temu jechałam z Karoliną nad pewne jeziorko. Siadłam nad tym jeziorkiem na barierce przy drodze i mówię do niej: zobacz jak tu ładnie! Jechałyśmy 60km by dojechać nad jeziorko, które jest wyschnięte. Inni ludzie niejeżdżący rowerem po różnych zakamarkach świata na pewno takiego wyschniętego w połowie jeziorka nie zobaczą. I w ogóle mało zobaczą. A z drugiej strony, wiesz, ja to jeziorko widzę i inne też, ale ja nie mam nigdy oszczędności. To może być dlatego, że pracuję tylko pół roku. Może ja powinnam coś z tym zrobić? Może ja powinnam w ogóle coś ze swoim życiem zrobić? I tak gadam i gadam siedząc na tej barierce, Karolina kulturalnie nie przerywa mi tego monologu, aż w końcu pyta: a ogrzewanie masz? No mam. To po co masz oszczędzać? (w ich sędziwej, ale na pewno ślicznej kamienicy w Gliwicach jeszcze niedawno trzeba było zakasać rękawy i dorzucać węgla, p.s. Zawsze chciałam mieszkać w kamienicy i to najlepiej na Żoliborzu). I tak dziś mi się ta rozmowa przypomniała… Kobiety rozmawiające o paleniu piecu… Czyż to nie piękne? Nie romantyczne ani trochę? Mi węgiel kojarzy się z jedną z moich ulubionych komedii pt. „Jeszcze dalej niż północ”. Oglądał ktoś i kojarzy scenę z węglem podczas wizyty małżonki? Nie rozumiem ludzi, którzy tego filmu nie uwielbiają…

Więc jak żyć? Dla ludzi lubiących absurdy to nie jest trudne. Trzeba dużo czasu spędzać na zewnątrz. ALBO: Na szczęście jest jeszcze ciepła woda. Naprawdę śmieję się sama do siebie jak to piszę i w ogóle jak o tym myślę, czyli ciągle. Nazywamy to CHICHRANIEM. Chichranie to taki bezsensowny śmiech, od którego trzęsie się świat dookoła i wykolejają pociągi, choć dla niektórych jest balsamem na uszy. Lanie CIEPŁEJ wody na siebie 3x dziennie (tylko prysznic, kąpiel odpada – za szybko woda stygnie i ciepła para ucieka przez szparę w drzwiach!!!) po godzinie bardzo uszczęśliwia, i oddala myśli o zimnie szczególnie jak włączy się obok jakąś muzykę motywującą do życia, czyli taką, która ma dobry rytm, a Ty znasz tekst, więc skupiasz się na trzymaniu słuchawki od prysznica, która tymczasowo pełni funkcję mikrofonu, a nie na jakichś głupotach jak na przykład zapalenie płuc podyktowane pierwszym stadium hipotermii. I wtedy przychodzi NAJGORSZE. Jak biegnę z łazienki pod kołdrę to robię rekord (swój własny, personalny) startu do sprintu, by szybko i boleśnie przekonać się o tym, że dotknięcie rozgrzaną skórą (nie będę przecież spała w dresach jak starzy ludzie w uzdrowiskach!) o zimną kołdrę przypomina efekt wylania wrzątku na siarczystym mrozie (można sprawdzić w internecie jak to wygląda, bardzo ciekawy efekt lubiany przez fotografów: wystarczy termos i aparat) i czekam aż pójdzie para. Po rozgrzaniu od zewnątrz można przejść do rozgrzewania od wewnątrz, czyli, w sposób umiarkowany oczywiście, delektować się winem, choć zawsze mi powtarzano, że pić w łóżku nie wypada. A co dopiero pod prysznicem… I tak kiedy zasypiam myślę sobie o tym jak miło i ciepło potrafi być u mnie w mieszkaniu na warszawskiej Woli, z którego to mieszkania rozciąga się widok na nic… kiedy troskliwy ponad wszelką miarę Freddie mnie ogrzewa… i mam do dyspozycji ZIMOWE ubrania… i nie marzną mi ręce przy laptopie… „Marian, tu jest jakby LUKSUSOWO” – chciałoby się wykrzyczeć z całych sil!

Oczywiście w tym całym rześkim nieszczęściu można iść na rower. Na rowerze jest sympatycznie. Na szczęście jesiennie ubrania typu lajkra z misiem znalazły swe miejsce w walizce… Wyjście na rower jest jak zmartwychwstanie!! Bo nawet w Lidlu jest cieplej niż w tym mieszkaniu… Tylko chwilowo nie mogę iść na rower, bo… czekam na kuriera i boję się, że jak on przyjdzie, a ja akurat będę korzystać z chwili ciepła i wspinać się na jakąś górę, to moje nowe szosowe obuwie (w starym, to znaczy ledwie półtorarocznym, zaczynam już wyglądać jak kolarz bezdomny…) przepadnie na zawsze i na zwrot gotówki nie ma co liczyć.

Za parę dni znowu ma być 15 stopni. A wtedy słonce, plaża, lato każdego dnia!

Tymczasem niech mnie ktoś wesprze ciepłym słowem… choćby jednym…



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